InBetween Breaths

在你离开的那一天
微风吹在我的脸颊
站在窗前看着窗外
寻找记忆中的你的笑
 
听见了你任性的笑
看见了你自满的笑
听见了你开怀大笑
却一直找不到
你看见我的微笑
才发现
离别也许才能找到他的微笑

Today, I had a couple of gifts to carry home from the one whom I love’s place, namely, a box of chewing gums and a new Nike shirt from the one whom I love who just came back from a trip to KL. Thus, Auntie was really nice and wanted to find me a carrier seeing me having my hands full with an umbrella, a suitcase, a bottle of liang teh (from Auntie as well, which was really nice and sweet) and of course, my two presents from the one whom I love. After searching through high and low, finally she found the perfect sized carrier for these 2 items. Immediately, I felt weird but I thought well, I can manage.
  
Thus, I snapped up my stuffs and proceed to leave. As I walk towards the elevator, my footsteps started to go faster without any apparent reason. I just wanted to reach the car as quickly as possible. Of course, I met some people on the way, I didn’t dare to look them in the face and I quicken my pace even more, finally as I opened my car door and sat in nice and proper, I heaved a sigh of relief. I didn’t think it was that tough until I was left alone walking with it. It was nothing really, just a nice paper bag which is white on one side and pink on the other, probably it’s the word written that freaked me out, it spelled m-i-n-o-s-h-e. MINOSHE!!!!

If this was a list of what people think when a guy carries a Minoshe hand carrier….  

An old man will think, hai yo…so xia suay…
An old woman will think, hai yo…chee ko pek
A young man will think, hmm…who’s that for? Loser!!
A young woman will think, eeee…disgusting!!

I was probably once a disgust, twice xia suay and thrice a chee ko pek. Thankfully, I missed out on being five times a loser when I managed to dash into my house before a group of Caucasian boys were walking by. I could hear them muttering from afar before I decided to take off…phew…what a walk to remember…or perhaps not.

This friend of mine, he’s a player I guess, he’s the one who went in for the kill when the rightful man was away, he’s not the most handsome of all, he’s the kind of f**k**g b**t**d I was talking about, he’s the one who probably deserves to never find the one true love, he’s the one whom my other friend describes as a “sneaky b**t**d” (man, what an aptly term), he’s still my friend at the moment but as I complete this line, he became this guy I knew.

Well, I guess I’m too nice to totally pull him out of my social circle, moreover, I would have been a bit too nosey for all these reactions on a script which I have no part to play. Well, let’s just say we will remain as acquaintance but what cumulated my feelings towards him was during a chat between a few guy friends. We were talking about some girl whom I forgot who it was exactly, then someone mentioned that she has a boyfriend. Then came that statement that stamped his personality and summed up what we thought of him in just 5 words, “Boyfriend is not a problem.” This truly epitomized his character as he said it while he was so into the conversation and so naturally.

I don’t hate him, I don’t dislike him. We all have our own ways of thinking and there’s the way he thinks I guess. But to all the boyfriends out there, please treasure your girlfriends before this guy I knew comes along and to all the girls out there, I will advise you to stay far, far away, so that you wouldn’t get hurt in anyway, now or in future.

The past few weeks have left me without time to even catch my breath. With 3 out of 4 modules without a final paper, it can only mean that projects are everything when it comes to getting the much desired A grade. However, even as I finally accomplished all 3 projects with more than 100% effort, I have learnt that efforts don’t earn you an A but rather whether you did the right thing. Like my Prof says, it’s better to do a simple thing right than to do a difficult thing wrong. So, even as I tortured myself with lesser sleep, lesser slacking, lesser time with the one whom I love (whom I will like to apologise to here. Sorry Darlz!) and obviously NO blogging, I guess a lot still depended on whether I did the things I did correctly, rather than throwing heaps of unnecessary information at my professors. So now, what lies ahead is an ethics exam next week, which I hope I can remember all the right things and I literally mean the right things.

Now that I have some time to slack again, I’m back in business. So I guess this means that in future, if there are no entries for a very long time, it probably means I’m damn busy rather than that I’m slacking off. It’s ironic that it’s the times when I’m slacking that you get to see a new entry...haha…

Sometimes it makes me wonder why there are so many love triangles nowadays. Every now and then, I get to hear some weird love stories on YES933. It frequently speaks of a sad love story between a couple how they got together and then under certain circumstances, were not able to make it through. All these words really touch the heart but wait till you listen further and realize that the one that she loves most is actually attached or worse so, married. Then, you will be like…ok, so be it. But at the end of the story, she proudly announces that even though she knows that its not going to work out, she still pledges her love for him and that it will never change. This is the point that I felt truly disturbed.

Now and then, we see such cases all around us. I mean of course love is all about the right feelings and chemistry and stuffs like that. But seriously, if you are attached to a man or woman at the moment, will you want your partner to build up a relationship of immense feelings and chemistry with any guy or gal but not you?! That just seems politically incorrect. I believe that if a couple are so deeply in love with each other, there seem to be no reason for either one to stray because under my (DECC) Dating Ethical Code of Conduct, such behaviour is unacceptable. And I truly believe everyone should adhere to this Code of Conduct, I don’t care if you disagree because this is my territory and I’m the loudest here. If you can’t afford to even keep to this rule, you don’t deserve to be in a relationship. You are better off being single, or in an earlier entry, you are merely a player. You do not take relationships seriously, you are irresponsible and you are immature.

I guess it’s pretty hard for most guys out there because there are just far too many temptations out there and it’s hard not to grab one on impulse. But can you just control that itch and hide that beastly being in you and give it some careful thought before you make up your mind to dump your current girlfriend for this new bitch on the block? There are also guys out there who manage to break off a relationship by convincing themselves that the current girlfriend is not the one that they truly love. There is no chemistry or there is no more love between them…blah..blah..blah….all I can say is….BULLSHIT! Because about 80% or even more of the time, you were probably thinking of another girl when you made the decision. And this violates the DECC as well. Perhaps I should set a cutoff point at this time…..hmmm…how about 6 months? Thus, from now on, the rule states that once you initiate to end a relationship, you are not eligible to find another girl/guy in the next 6 months. This is to make sure that you didn’t make that decision on impulse for another girl…even if you did on impulse, you have to wait 6 months. Period.

Now, we shall move on to the external factors which cause a love triangle. We all know that sometimes it’s not the two parties that created this mess but rather a freaking stranger who turned friend overnight and turned lover after two. I guess if the couple were strong enough to resist any of these external forces, then there is no reason for these people to have a chance but that aside, I will like to focus on these people who know that people are attached and yet made a move. What in the hell were you thinking? True enough, falling in love with someone is inevitable and uncontrollable but what makes you think that entitles you to make a move for the girl? She has a boyfriend, for god sake; can’t you just let them try to work things out? Surely, if you are so strong in your belief that she is the one for you, you can wait, right? And what makes you think that you are the one for her?

I know it’s really tough to pull yourself out of the trap but honestly, if you know that she has a boyfriend, please refrain from letting your feelings get carried away. You should have stopped when you saw the trap, not walk right into it. To these people, I hope you will be able to control yourself and not make a move for the girl. There are seriously a lot of options out there, all you need to do is turn your attention away before you sink deeper. I do know of people who are wary of such details and are able to control themselves out of respect not just for that relationship but more importantly, for yourself. To these people, I applaud them and wish them all the best in their future dates.

However, there are another group of people who just cannot control themselves, regardless of whether the girl has a boyfriend or not, they just think that they are the biggest f**k around and can do as they please. This behaviour is totally condemned in the DECC! And if you are such a person, you are an asshole and you have totally no regards for a proper relationship! I hope that your girlfriends/boyfriends will always be snatched away from you and when you finally find your true love, he/she rejects you outright! You will be the biggest loser at the end of the race, you f**k**g b**t**d! Pardon my language, I couldn’t control myself either.
  

I'm not the type that likes to laugh at the misery of others but this person is an exception.

adapted from soccernet today

Just look at how miserable he is. Doesn't that make you wanna laugh your socks off?! This really made my day! I quote the TNP today, "We didn't lose the game. Ninety minutes was a draw and it was a draw after two hours. We lost on penalties. We were the best team on the pitch. Their goal was a big mistake. But I want to give my congratualations to them because they won. But we were the best team."

I guess he still thinks he's the special one. For someone who promised to sew up the premiership by January and win a quadruple of trophies, I guess being dumped out of one of the four competition is really hard to stomach. That explains the constipated look. Well, I guess we can't blame him for that......because he is the special one and he has the best team, even when they lose.....

For the benefit of non-soccer fanatics, Chelsea, an English football club, lost in a soccer match yesterday which they were expected to win. The result was that they were knocked out of the competition called the English Carling Cup. This man happens to be the manager of that club. Damn, I wonder why I'm explaining all this... you'll probably not understand or ain't interested anyway. Ok, never mind, just look at the picture and laugh along...nobody will know anyway......

Do you sometimes have passengers in your car that have itchy hands or just can’t stand what you are listening to while on the road? They just have to mess with your car’s radio or simply complain about you listening to crap radio stations? Acquaintances are fine because they don’t complain that much (or they don't dare to complain..haha..), but if you have a friend who just likes to be ‘cool’, ‘hip’ and equipped with that stylish but totally unnecessary slang ….that’s when all the trouble begins.

Ever since the CD player in the car decided to fail me, the only entertainment which prevents me from falling asleep while driving and smashing into a lamppost or whatsoever, is the tuner which never fails. And I realize this is always the case regardless of how sophisticated or antique your radio/hi-fi/mini-combo is.

I have this hi-fi player which is really just sitting there accumulating dust and counting the days left before it finds its destiny at the end of the rubbish chute. It has aged tremendously, it can’t play CDs anymore, it used to be able to take 3 at a time when it was at its prime, but I guess age caught up with him. Then, the cassette tape player decided to quit, too. Instead of playing them, it starts getting real pissed off with god-knows-what, and decides to chew on the cassette every time I slot one in. Sometimes it does such a bad job that it gets tape stuck between the teeth and I had to sacrifice my beloved tunes by slashing the tape to remove all the remains. Perhaps, all the high-speed dubbing I did while making copies was too much for him to take… Yet, the only trump card that is keeping this hi-fi in its position is the tuner function which never seems to fail. But this is a really, I mean really, really BIG FM receiver, considering I have another which can fit nicely in my palm.

Anyway, so now that I only have my tuner to accompany me on those lonely journeys, I tune in to 93.3. Yes, I’m very cina, in case you are wondering……your job is to read, so just read……I really can’t understand why there are so many English speaking people in this school, man. There are so many of them that sometimes it makes you feel weird to feel Chinese and wanting to be Chinese. Maybe I’m mixing with the wrong people who can’t give me some Chinese warmth. So if there are some miserable Chinese souls out there in school, maybe we can form a gang and start speaking mandarin loudly and parading around the school compound. Just to remind the 70% of the population that they are also yellow in colour and they can stop pretending to be white. You will still be yellow regardless of how much SK2 skin whitening cream you use.

Ok, perhaps I’m getting a little racist here. To my English speaking friends, I apologise, its not that I don’t like you or what. Just that I thought if you are Chinese, you hope to act like Chinese on some days just to feel Chinese for a while. I’m still fine with English though, it’s just that the English tunes don’t appeal to me. Thus, can I just stick to YES93.3? So the next time you want a lift from me, no matter you are white, brown, black or whitish-yellow, please be prepared for some hardcore Chinese numbers because my radio is 100% made in China!

Have you ever wondered about traveling through time and all the ridiculous things that you can do while you are there? Like maybe go back to find the culprit who stole your handphone, to buy a 4D past results guidebook or just to change one thing or another so that your life today will be better. I was also a dreamer of such fantasies until this statement I had read two years back got me rethinking about this amazing idea. Bearing in mind I’m no sci-fi geek, kindly excuse my ignorance if you are an expert in this subject.

Man will never be able to travel through time, if we could, they would have been here by now. This is the exact sentence that got me pondering. Yah man, of course we will never invent a time machine. I would have seen a 60 year old me by now. Or maybe my great grandson might decide to pay me a visit one of these days.

One of my first thoughts about time travel was imagining the globe spinning, at 24 hours a day. If we can somehow travel faster than that around Earth in the opposite direction, wouldn’t we be able to reach yesterday? But after giving it a deeper thought, perhaps not, because while you are traveling, time still ticks on, you will probably just waste your time dashing around the globe. But it sounded logical to me before though.

Then, a friend of mine introduced this concept to me. We are all trapped in the mindset that there is only one timeline. There are probably many, many different timelines. When someone travel back in time and changes something, we will all skip to a different timeline without knowing, but the truth is things have changed from before. It’s just that we are all unaware of it.

Now, I will like to improve on that concept, I’m sure all of us remember The Matrix, the movie with all the slow motion fight scenes?? Well, that’s not the important part. We all know that when the matrix has a glitch, we experience a déjà vu. But, how about this, when someone goes back in time and changes something, the affected people all experiences a déjà vu. And they are all sent to a different timeline, or to a different destiny just by that instance when you found something very familiar, your brain is being modified for your new destiny. So the next time you experience a déjà vu, congratulations, you might just have a change of fortune! All thanks to our future time travelers!

Recently, I just thought of this absurd theory and it keeps bugging me. Perhaps it’s still a bit coarse, but who cares. It seems like guys our age are pretty different from when we were younger. We still like girls but now it seems like in our mind, there are 2 types of girls. Unlike in our younger days, girls are just girls. They all are one entity, tall, short, thin, fat, whatever…Now, this post will get a little offensive, especially to the gentler sex. Please take all these light heartedly and no offence.

Nowadays, there is a line which we draw when we look at a girl. They are wife-material or fling-material. I didn’t mean to let this cat out of the bag, guys, but I think the girls deserve to know this. Moreover, I think they are also using the same judgments against us, too. Ok, before you start bringing out your parangs and shouting “bullshit!” Let us just assume that I am the only one to think this way, now just calm down and read on.

When we look at a girl at first impression, we will immediately have a judgment about you, if you are pretty, most likely you will fall under the fling category in the first instance. But after getting to know you better, you might get upgraded to the premium wife category. If you ugly, ok that sounds a bit bad and distasteful, I apologise. If you are not so physically attractive, I have good news for you! You will not be judged in the first place and will probably be placed under “Others”. But there is better news, after getting to know you better, there is still a chance to be promoted to the wife material category!

To be honest, I really feel that where it comes to choosing the one who you will spend the rest of your life with, looks automatically becomes second in line. At least I will hope to find someone who understands me and knows me inside-out and we can live together like peas and carrots. (I wonder why Forrest Gump came up with this term, I thought peas and carrots usually include corn as well. So what’s the corn? Third party? Child? Or they don’t have corn back in Alabama? Ok, I hope this is not too corny for your liking..haha) Anyway, the one true love that you can spend the rest of life with probably don’t need to be Miss Universe. Of course, if you can have love and still get beauty as well. Good for you, you lucky bas***d!

So now, for the most shocking and revealing part that you will not want to miss. Guys being guys, there are a few types of us as well. In fact, probably gals have the same types as well. Let me just introduce a few of the different kinds.

First, there are the players, they are always actively looking out for girls, and they sieve out ugly girls. They just want the flings. It just meant that they are not ready to settle down. Or so they claimed… I will think that they just want to have fun and get wild while they can. This is probably suicidal for me, but some of them do have a motive of humping you right from the beginning. Don’t be surprised. If you are in the game, too, then fine. But I really pity those who get hurt unnecessarily when they go all out in a relationship only to realize it’s all but a dream.

Then, there are those who are seekers who are really interested to find the one true love. They do not want flings and uncommitted girls. They hope to find a wife not a girlfriend. Some have been hurt in the process and the girls just says, “You try too hard, I need some space to breath a little” Then, when the space is given, a week later, Mr X comes along and fills it up. Then, the next thing she says is, “I think you are not the one for me.” Then, a few months later, she comes back and begs for you to go back to her. I mean, this is pretty common for guys and gals. But, it just totally rubbish to me. In this case, the girl is probably just a player. So maybe, she should just go mix around with the players and leave the seekers alone. I think seekers usually get hurt and that’s pretty unfair but nothing can be done.

There are also player who are transforming into seekers. Well, I guess everyone hopes to settles down some day. But the problem is, the change is not immediate and can be really hard. I mean, if you are a player and you are used to having fun and all, then suddenly, this great wife-material girl comes along and you feel like, OK, this is it. This is the one who will end it all. But as you get along, suddenly, the itch will just come. It will just start tickling you at first and then harder and harder the more you resist it. You just hope that you can play for one last time. Just one more will do. But on the other hand, you know this is the wife-material one and you can’t just let her go and move on. You need to do something badly and two-timing is just not your style. Then suddenly you have this crazy thought, hoping that you can keep this wife material girl in a fridge and keep her inside and you can go and have all the fun. Then when it’s dinnertime, you can just bring it out, heat it up a little and its ready to serve. That, my friend, will always remain a dream. At least it’s a sweet dream.  

Lastly, there are seekers transforming into players. This is one weird scenario but it does happen. And guess whose fault is it again? Yes, it’s the players! They come around and play with your feelings and then dump you aside when their done. So, you decide, why be the good guy, I want to be the bad guy. I want to play, not played. Then, it all happens, within an instance.
  
Well, I believe there are many people who are straying between the lines of seekers and players, they just don’t know what they want and are constantly testing out and see how it goes. Ultimately, I guess finding the one true love will never be easy. “I love you” is a real easy thing to say, especially if it leads to sex. The real essence of loving someone cannot be represented by words alone, its needs to be backed by commitment. I’m sure all the seekers out there will agree with me. So to all the players, the next time you want use this three words, please mean what you say. If you want to lie, please don’t stop lying cause it hurts. It really does.